I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
