Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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