He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
