...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
