I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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