I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
