Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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