Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
