She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
