I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
