pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize