I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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