I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
