I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
