And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
