I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
