based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
