if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
