Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
