lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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