sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
