I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
