Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
