she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
