I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Randomize