My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
