Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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