I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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