woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
