I feel great
I just peed on a car
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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