we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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