Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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