You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
