Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
