you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
