im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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