This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
