When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
