Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
