he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't put those talents on a resume
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
