Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
