There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
