i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize