I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
