Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
