It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
