Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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