And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
