I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
