PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
