never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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