I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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