I can text with my tongue
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just google imaged poop.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
