Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
