is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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