You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
