Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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