I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
