i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
