I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
