New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
