I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
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My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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