Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
