garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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