do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
