One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
