nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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