So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
