Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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