tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
