do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
porn star boner night. come get it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
