Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
