u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
