So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We're too hungover to prance.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
His nipple licking is glorious
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