I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Mom said you looked used
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
