I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
