I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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