Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
