someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
