dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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